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[Nov. 9th, 2005|10:47 pm] |
Hello,
Those interested, Histoire(s) du Cinéma is coming out on DVD in Region 2.
http://www.amazon.fr/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000BNEMPU/qid=1131594565/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_10_1/402-6169283-9837743
subtitled in English.
I had the opportunity to watch this in my city. As with most late Godard, it can get very boring. But it's worth a watch still. For those who don't know, it's basically a collage of clips from his favorite movies, as well as historical footage. It's a philosophical essay on the history of cinema with Godard sitting at his desk quoting from books. The second part is dedicated to John Cassavetes. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 22nd, 2005|05:04 pm] |
Hippie
You are 28% Rational, 85% Extroverted, 42% Brutal, and 0% Arrogant. | | You are the Hippie! Characterized by a strong sense of extroversion, irrationality, gentleness, and humility, you no doubt frolic through fields preaching peace and love to all! You are probably either very spiritual or needlessly paranoid about "the man", like most hippies, as a result of your focus on intuition and feelings over cold, brutal logic. You are also very, very social. And like any hippie, who would have no qualms about hitchiking across the country just to meet some interesting people, you too love to interact with others, even complete strangers. Because we know most any hippie is peace-loving and humble, it stands to reason that you, as well, are terribly gentle and humble, almost to the point of revulsion. Your carefree attitude of peace and harmony is probably very, very sickening to realists or cynics or anyone who isn't a hippie, to tell the truth. In short, your personality is defective because you are overly emotional, extroverted, gentle, and humble--thus making you an annoying hippie. And you listen to psychadelic rock and smoke a whole lot of pot. Okay, maybe not, but I wouldn't be surprised if you did.
To put it less negatively:
1. You are more INTUITIVE than rational.
2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted.
3. You are more GENTLE than brutal.
4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant.
Compatibility:
Your exact opposite is the Sociopath.
Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Hand-Raiser, the Televangelist, and the Robot.
*
*
If you scored near fifty percent for a certain trait (42%-58%), you could very well go either way. For example, someone with 42% Extroversion is slightly leaning towards being an introvert, but is close enough to being an extrovert to be classified that way as well. Below is a list of the other personality types so that you can determine which other possible categories you may fill if you scored near fifty percent for certain traits.
The other personality types:
The Emo Kid: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.
The Starving Artist: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
The Bitch-Slap: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.
The Brute: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.
The Hippie: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.
The Televangelist: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
The Schoolyard Bully: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.
The Class Clown: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.
The Robot: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.
The Haughty Intellectual: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
The Spiteful Loner: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.
The Sociopath: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.
The Hand-Raiser: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.
The Braggart: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
The Capitalist Pig: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.
The Smartass: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant. |  |
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: | You scored higher than 11% on Rationality | | You scored higher than 84% on Extroversion | | You scored higher than 49% on Brutality | | You scored higher than 0% on Arrogance |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 14th, 2005|08:45 pm] |
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went to protest today as they happened to walk past my workplace and took some pictures but nothing really extraordinary of G* meeting proportions--but still--snapped picture of beautiful girl--snapped it by accident though I had noticed her a few moments earlier and yep--she seemed a bit too self-conscious biting her lip and too beautiful (and I mean that in the coy bashful way) to be militantin' along with the other punk kids and pierced noses and headsides shaves--tanned skin--real or not?--dunno)--So got home a lil late and missed coming home to Leila--Had planned on hooking with Alice after work but she called and cancelled and Ah, too bad--Well, cannot w atch Diary of COuntry Priest tonight--too hea vy--looking for something bit less tragic and whatnot--and whatever--this lil voice inside me which writes--ah well, too bad, ah well-- |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 10th, 2005|02:48 pm] |
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Going to see Bresson tonight, Dames du Bois de Boulogne...might not go if I keep coughing this bad, dry cough, sore throat and all. Talked for 15 with Michel neighboy guy--Mechanic I think he is--About mourning and all while family was out at cemetary for 2 month death anniversary today--Keep thinking about good moments had with Alice and our 5 year difference and whatever else life is made out of--Feel like reading On The Road again. Keep coughing and amassing saliva and need to spit it out now. Brb. |
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[Mar. 27th, 2005|10:45 pm] |
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foufounes with dave ludo and dom and tried to dance with petite pretty girl exactly my kind but damn she had no smile as though she was born smileless serious and serene and no real energy of life--though she could shake her ass real fast to chop suey--Ah well, had good time anyway and met Miguel (route 66 t-shirtdude) again and wow where the fuck is he from? The Stars? Because he kept asking me if I was okay and seeming caring and brotherly and how tender is that I'm not used to it--but come to think of it, it's MArlon he reminds me of (ah brother)--Met his fiance and her friend (marie-claire) who was why as hell and automatically shied into darkness when I tried approching her on the dancefloor (after Miguel had asked me to "Bailala" he said)--Ah Miguel, dunno where you come from but sense we were Earth Brothers once and you prolly looked out for me like Nashville Tennessee brothers on the run after tragic parents death--looked out for me through swamps and deep forests and heavy rains and all that mud and eminent danger lurking in dark corners all the time everywhere--Mad cool chilling with Dave and Ludo and Dom and Dave holding me and hugging me and telling me he loves me (and Dom doing the same) and then we both cried about my brother and smoked a joint in his basement (only took three puffs then 4 in the morning too tired left while he and Dom stayed playing guitar)--And ah, I don't understand this feeling of friendship camaraderie and love so strong, this bond that means everything yet nothing because it feels it hasnt been consumated yet through only 2 specific nights out and ....argh--Not worth breaking it down, would rather just feel it and enjoy it and man I feel so much good within me and I feel at ease and I don't measure it on my desire to be with Alice anymore but man I don't have any clear specific desire to be with her (in her presence) anyway (besides the obvious idealistic opportunities type of wish)--But I truly feel the desire to go on a journey within myself and discover an understanding of who I can be at given moments--Ah world too vast--I just dont feel as closed anymore and focused on stupid desires but now mad open to everything and overcoming fears of some specific modes of being--Because I realize I just AM at all moments with mind and emotions--So I just try to be. |
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[Mar. 13th, 2005|01:39 pm] |
ok, went to DAA meeting...dunno how i feel about it yet...dunno if i'll go again...went by myself and not with Alex...looking at things differently now...realizing what's more important and i find it in the smallest of things I never thought would be part of the problem...For instance this morning woke up and first thought was to come here on the computer to talk to Kris but then realized that if I did that wouldn't have the time to have breakfast properely, clean room and clean myself and would postpone everything to later or to next week and postponing after postponing nothing gets done...so woke up and took care of myself and only 3 hours after came down to say hi to Kris...and this is what I do.
Going to see movie today with lil brother and cuzin...and other unspeakable secrets which I feel shame confessing in this terrible blog. so goodbye. |
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[Mar. 10th, 2005|10:06 pm] |
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aaaaarrrrgggggggggg....jsut tired. Have ot Watch Tarvosky's solaris and Renoir's Grand Illusion...Abrogations..Main Blanche...wrote an email to Amelie about it...fucking great litt...Thass it...tired...1 month now...since my brother passed...ah, brother...if you would know what I'm up to and how I'm helping myself and Alex is helping me and how I'm hurting inside and everything everywhere the all of it and even Iffy's sweet face. Goodbye now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 7th, 2005|07:55 pm] |
friday was amazing, with my cu zin at Utopik and cried and even got clocked in the forehead by him and then held him and cried in his arms and then he pushed me away and very intense emotional jumps throughout the night until IPPHHHYYYY came and I hadn't seen her in 2 years and she's the one who introduced me to coke, which i only sniffed once--and of course she's not an addict anymore---but damn is she fucking pretty or am I insane...aaaaawwwwwwwrrrrgghhh...it hurts---baby fat smile and what can be more attractive than Quebecois Viet and take heed she's actually Hungarian and Viet---eeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhh---Crazy--fell in love with her as usual and talk about a smile that keeps me going--She gave me an apple on her way out, chilling at LES CONNERIES--which of course is now eternaly baptized as the spot she introduced me to---Man, what's a man to do--
Slept at Alex's last night and watched Kerouac documentary and part of Cass's Opening Night and she slept on the couch and let me have her bed and I felt some hurt when she spoke on the phone with her crush wild dynamite genius Tom Waits-like musiciann of 34 years and was on the brink of laughter every single second (and she spoke for 15 minutes) while I, quietly sipped my beer in the living room (but eavesedropped)--She even mentionned me to him, talkin about how she I'm sleeping by myself now when I sleepover and no more cuddling and mutual baths--ah, world--But I'm healing slowly, felt good to be conscious of her being at NA meeting as I waited inside the church and even went down for a couple of minutes and listened to the meeting and argh, felt confused so decided to wait upstairs. But yes--Im learning what it means to be an individual and yourself and not fall prey to loss of self and then build resentment and feel jealousy and all that hurtful Freudian psychonalytical babble so hurtful and true--Just living through the emotions and accepting them and trying to understand them--And this morning got to work 90 minutes late cuz woke up to talk to Alex about all this stuff and what it means to be alive and existentially lonely and all that Void talk--and told her that I now understand that I do not seek to change things believeing I could reach an abstract state of happiness but now know that most things I wish to change I do not have the power to do so and thus accept them and therefore try to see within myself how I could become comfortable with the unchangeable things and no need to pray to God or anything but just live and breathe and understand the meaning of All is ONE and mind breaks it all up--though mind is all we got (plus soul and etc.) thus Holy and to be understood through irredeemable struggle--Ah--I do not seek happiness but betterness of I within my skin. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 2nd, 2005|09:25 pm] |
hit hte museum after work for part of michel goulet exhibition...cant walk more than 1 hour in museum, desperatelny need to sit down after...not sure if i want to go to NA meeting with Alex...im scared now...but I feel that I need it...went shoippping for clothes on tuesday...bought crazy almost plaid blue vest wore it today and blue corduroys that need to get adjusted at the hem...hemm...bumped into Muriel at school--she is so tall and lost and she walked me to my locker--i wish i was back in school so i could be part of la greve general illimitee and feel like may 1968--and take photos of pretty girls of Godardian aesthetics (La Chinoise!) "Les Etudiants Dans Le Rouge" is the name of the movie Im writing about it -- my godardian hommage to Leaud and J-L--Ryan Larkin animated oscar-winning short is fucking amazing and has best shot of St-Laurent street ever...Of course it's about the void...in the same way Aesop's hidden track on the Daylight EP (One of Four) is about that too (Dizzy with a nothern chaser, motor sensory eraser, Gorophobe tunnel vision, guilt, self loathing arrangements Rose rapidly outta pond I'd never fished in...Simple primitive self taught, easing of soul, mind and body
but the symptoms rejected my cave-man modus operandi...
Shrinks that get 250 an hour for awkward silence
And, I'd be lying if I said all of this
made even the slightest fragment of sense to me
That's frail... Simply put
I don't know what happened, or what's stillhappening
I literally feel like I'm teetering on the blunt edge of my sanity
aaaaarrhh...soul groans of course...Exhibition was great and will be back next wednesday...just trying to cope with my lonely nessssssssss....no news there. |
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[Feb. 23rd, 2005|07:49 pm] |
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got up and went to work today but 30 minutes in realized I couldnt make it too sick so headed back home to sleep--cleaned my room--had some lipton soup--feelin' a lil better--listening to Copywrite's "Size 12's"--i want to feel hopeful--second chances--prayers and god and all that rhetoric of my childhood--but Love is the only thing for now--stupid existentialist selves--What dreams did Sartre have in his eyes or Foucault, what sparkle gleamed in the shine of his mind?--dunno--ah, no use to keep writing, no use...im sad. hehehe...damn lj emoticons make sense for once... |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 20th, 2005|07:57 pm] |
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went out to foufounes electriques with marlon's friends---called Alex and made her really angry at 3.30 in the morning---dont remember what i said---slept at ludo's (right around the corner)---Dom wanted to give me his girl, but she wanted Dom--I spent 30 minutes trying to rationally persuade her to kiss me (i remember this very vividly) (inside some fastfood joint that was about to close)---dont really recall the cab ride back home---recall talking to this hispanic dood with a Highway 66 shirt---remember talking to him about my brother---i hate these drunken nights and mad feeling of guilt morning after---hadnt done it in a while though---still hate it and wont be doing it anytime soon---its hard to be in my skin during these times---watched Elles Etaient Cinq but topic matter was too much to bear for now---Rented Mike Leigh's Naked and should be watching it soon since I have to return it tommorrow---writing something to liz---cant think much still hungover---argh. it hurts to type. i just want to be, exist. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 17th, 2005|10:53 pm] |
spent the night at Alex's and watched Woody Allen's Sleeper and Cassavetes' Faces. slept in the same room but she slept on blow-up matress. Went to sleep around 3:15. Got up at 7:45. First day of work since accident. Slow-mo mode. Azi called. Liz emailed. Rented Passion of Anna and Taste of Cherry. Watched Passion of Anna with my family. Fucking Bergman, give life some credit man. Love Streams.
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 16th, 2005|12:34 pm] |
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will start work tomorrow again. ma will be off for a couple of months probably. we need all the money we can get. the funeral was painful, so was the church service--still cant believe that was my brother there in that casket sleeping--but it was not him, it was his body--i left a letter in the casket--everybody came at the wake, even my old neighbor Nelson who him too has a son now, 8 months old--I remember we used to go play Super Nintendo at his house--Or Marlon would play hockey in the backyard with those orange rubber balls breaking the proprietor's night lights. The appartment building had a backyard that led out to a street (13th ave) and there even was a building in that backyard, an appartment where Soledad and her fam lived and we were going to the same church--Now Soledad bought a house and moved close to here (where we're living now), and ah, how the cosmos re-arranges things and works out the same puzzle all the time--My homies from high school came, and they knew Marlon as well and it felt good to see them and talk and laugh, and cry--They had prayers for my brother--And a part of my ma's heart has died--Marlon's friends, are my brothers, and my cousin Ray is my brother and we'll be entertaining big brotherly festivities as brothers of the same Marlon Light we've been touched with, same love stream we've felt pour on our head and chest--and heart--My aunts, my uncles, and little kid cousins--Nine year old boys and girls with warm blood and the consciousness of death--I saw my cuzin Alice cry--Nathaniel is smart, too smart for his tender age, too wise, so wise that it hurts. He knows about joy and pain and being-in-the-world, what a sad thing for a nine year old. I told him where I stood and where I was willing to walk and run for him, for his sisters (ah beautiful Jasmin baby)--My aunt Blanche wailed over the casket and screamed Levantate mijo, which means 'Get up and walk my son' as Jesus said to Lazarus--but my poor brother was in sweet dream of death and 'tis a wonderful dream to be in--and too deep in it couldn't wake up to hear her--But he's reading this now, or watching me type it, so he knows--If you want to know how it feels, it feels like a void, a constantly floating void, a void in the world, a void in our souls, a missing-thing, a life that's not, a love that's dead, an empty space in the face of Time, a loneliness so deep that it's hard to believe it still--to believe it is an effort so great--to believe it only happens when we doubt it--moments when mind is unaware of him are moments he's still living--to think about him is to know he's dead--to not think is to know he lives. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 14th, 2005|09:37 am] |
today is the wake. my mom is not here yet, all her shit got delayed. she should be here this afternoon and we'll drive to the wake. tommorow is the burial. im finally gonna shave today and dress up for my brother. and damn, sudden realization that the most important people is family, but i been stupid and hang on to acquaintances like life buoys and want to move out and experience more loneliness and lingering dream possibility of more meetings. Now I know that I have to work for my niece, for her mother, and for my parents--because they work hard already themselves and they need help to ease the load--my dad has been working 15 hours a day for 14 years now. It's time to slow down and do everything in my power to make that possible. My poor mother, may need to be held, and by me will never be held the same way ive been holding her for past year when i come home every night after work or school. My poor ma with a load on her soul--my poor sister in law--my poor aunts--my poor grandmas--my poor brother, your poor friends, friends who went up that road on Saturday and consecrated the scene of the accident to pay hommage to your soul--Friends who had a heart like yours, who know time and love streams--Friends who will now walk with head bowed for some time to come, puffing on their cigarette with melancholy tears in the stupid cold winter wind--i love your friends.
I must go now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 12th, 2005|10:55 am] |
Bursting out in cries a tad bit less. I bumped into Frank on my way to get the mail, he was close friends with Marlon, we hugged each other and cried, told me he'd be there on Monday and Tuesday, told him that Marlon would be right there, below the tall trees of the cemetary entrance. That fact brings me joy and peacefulness to have not my brother but his body right near and on top of it the location being a Bambi scenery as deers traverse the terrain frequently year long and during spring summer the ground is like meadowgrass and the tall trees provide nice shade something out of a dream enchanted forest of comfort and security. Ah, dreams. Can't sleep for too long, room is warm yet body feels terribly cold, finally showered and changed clothes today, no will to shave though. I haven't written about incredible dream I had the night it happened--I had a vision of seeing everything of his last moment like a film from all kinds of different camera angles and him sitting at the wheel of his car in the snowy late day with no clear vision of what was happening around him but sensing that something was going wrong, and suddenly realizing how blissful the moment was and even successful, as though having reached a high point of his life indefinetely higher than anything mind-made by circumstances of living such as ambitions, etc, but something not even the mind could conceive as an ambition--and him suddenly realizing he had reached that point and gaining the understanding of an eminent success he was experiencing, the highest kind of gratifying life ecstacy and then in the dream everything exploding and shattering (but no fire explosion, just a big explosion of matter and space a grand shattering of all material of vision and the shattering itself of conciousness, great burst of All, and most joyful thing ever to be witnessed--And while I visualize all this in the dream and undertstood and felt that he himself felt bliss within him, an elaborate written account of all the events i had been witnessing formed itself in my consciousness and I knew it was the best story ever written and possibly a grand literay masterwork, and even woke up thinking I had read it all and knew all about it and felt the joy within it and wanted to read it again--even had the thought for a second that I could write it all down, but nah...
My brother is free.
Ah, pain. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 12th, 2005|01:17 am] |
Doing a bit better. Cuzin jose is in denial. Wont even come see me. Cant remember the name of Marlon's favorite pink floyd song...still remember tapes lying about his room in 1992 though...I hope ma makes it home soon. It was good to have family over and then friends from old church. Watched The Terminal. Haven't slept in 30 hours. Dunno what else to do. Maybe sleep soon. Called Azi and spoke to Cim, called Elizabeth and i could FEEL her cry with me...Dunno who else to call. Caro is not answering.
Argh. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 10th, 2005|11:32 pm] |
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my big brother marlon died in car accident today. i cant write. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 10th, 2005|07:03 pm] |
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Le Mépris is playing Friday at Du Parc. Nuff said. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 9th, 2005|10:12 pm] |
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Watched Godard's and Gorin's Tout va bien! Intense. hahaha what a phony thing to say. But really, it was intense. Rented All The Real Girls. Yet to watch. Was supposed to go catch John Huster Freud flick but too tired. Gonnna watch Blow Up right about soon. Im prolly missing some real good movie on tele-quebec, now ain't i? Didn't work on NAME at all, but took notes and read Krishnamurti instead and thought of camera angles. Downloaded She's So Lovely aaaaaahhh and caught a glimps of a Cass-like Husbands camera angle! Damn Nick. Ah, my crazy hair. I saw an extra in Tout va bien who looked exactly like a possible long-lost twin. Damn, Stardust Memories is teeeeeeeeddddiioouuussss. Couldn't fuck with it. Crimes and Misdemeanors is eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhh. thinking of taking these camera workshops if not too expensive. Blow Up now. |
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[Feb. 8th, 2005|11:48 pm] |
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Dont know. Been reading Carney's Pragmatism book. Tom Noonan's notes on acting. Watched "What Happened Was..." second time. Just done watching Love Streams again in four installments. Watched half of Godard's La Chinoise. Read some of Godard on Godard. Bought Satori in Paris and read some of it. Been thinking about script and wrote 4 pages tonight. Wrote letter to Alex on Sunday. She replied talking about hooking up. Just called her right now. Told me to call her back in twenty. Watched some of the Indian movie on Tele-Quebec on Sunday. Had long talk about music with my brother last night. No real talk, mostly I making him listen to songs I dug and trying to express what they made me feel. He thinks I'm a phony. We never are what we think we are. We think we're able to portray the way we think we are when we say things or when we do things. But this proves it. My brother thinks I'm a phony, while I think I'm very authentic. Liz thinks I'm romantic, while I think that I simply want to appear romantic but I'm really not, I just think I am when I express how much I want to hold on to my ideals, I simultaneously feel I'll never reach them. I want to go back to school. Study lighting and camera handling. But I have to give up too much to do that and I'm not willing to let go. I'm very lucky to have stumbled upon Cass and Carney and then Noonan and so on. But it also rendered me exclusive and I'm not as open as I could have been. I'm making films about life and interaction and I realize I know so little of it. My solitude is a curse in the extent that it prevents me from pluging deep in the juice of Life I wish to capture in my art. But I wouldn't have this desire to express it through art if I'd be deep in it to begin with. I feel impatient to grow up. I want experience condensed. But that's stupid, because I'm missing out on the current ongoing experience. The one happening right now. |
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